SCRIPTES OF MY LIFE

      Just like any girl I had a lot of dreams in my last short life,

 that dose not mean that I’m dead right now, but I look like dead people maybe just inside.

      A lot of famous people in this great world had difficulties in their

 lives to make there own names, their own future and their own lives..

 that’s what I still believe in till this moment.

     From a very long time ago I made a deal with myself.. yes,, a deal..

That deal was to struggle and fight to take what belongs to me in this life…

I meant to be free, to have the right to choose my way either heaven or hell…"وهدينَه النجدين" …

 GOD gave me that right…

 so, why until this moment I did not choose my own way?!!

Answering this question is the easiest thing in this world these days..

     I’m writing what I’m writing not to allow the others to read it…

but to ease on myself just a little bit and to stop the rush in my heart beats….

"There and then I'll leave my beautiful world… which was full of dreams and goals..

There.. my future falls apart….

No one hears but my ears..

It's the day that I afraid to death to see it with my own eyes…

May God help me…and allow me to achieve all my goals in life..

Dear God…no one would support me but you!!!

If you did not, who would do so?!!

So, please dear God help me, and give me the support that I need…"

I still remember the day I wrote the few previous lines… at that day, I was loosing hope…

 filling with desperation and hate!!!

   For me as a dreamer, I painted a very big image to my future in my imagination…

I allowed the others to see it. Unfortunately, it was not clear enough for them or they were not be

 able to understand it…

Last year, I started a new activity in my life which is writing poems besides stories

 that I always write and never finish them…!

I would say that hurt made me write read and hear to the others’ pains in order

 to forget my pain which is nothing comparing with others’.

***

    Life did not give me my chance, I would rather say I did not get  my chance from life…

I always knew that complaining is the worst thing anyone can do sub of working

 and trying to get chances the beast of them.. and that’s what I kept doing without any benefit even a little one!!

   I needed support. And I got it from friends.

The friends of my life who went away each to go on in her life in her home with people

 she understands and of course they understand her too.

   The day I said goodbye to those beauty and lovely friends, I did not feel

 lonely the much I feel now… when I remember that hug I gave to each one of them

 – the last hug ever-. I feel I want to cry…

     I tried to understand people around me, the way they think and also

 the reasons of their thoughts…! But  no one tried to understand me…

     Isn’t crazy staying on a chair a very long time just to write some topics you won’t get them!!!

Well, that’s what I’m doing!! I’m not speaking honestly even with my own!

What I learned till this time from life  that it dose deserve to fight

 for it and for being in it till the day of death..

I still have reasons to stay alive, that’s why I’m here now…

GOD send me with a message to earth not only me but all the men in thins universe..

My message I think, it’s to learn about existence and creatures in this world…

A DAY FROM THIS YEAR

   At this moment, I’m sitting all alone on a very cold emotionally chair!

Alone with my notes and this sad black pen, which always wanted to write poems

but here I am not making its wish come tore… and using it to write a very sad words killing me inside.

   Sometimes when you set with yourself and talk about your fears and your

hurts you feel so calm and comfort… but not all the time, cause you’ll need someone real next to you to help you

 in order to heal.. bt what if you could not find that person?!!!

  Going on in life is something become easier when you be

 away from things force you to come back to live you past again…

    I always hated to talk about my pas, but who had no past would never have a future...!

   Crossing worlds.. this is the meaning of living your life…

I believe in that but it’s too hard..

I heard about guys entered jails cause they killed somebody or stole

a handbag or made anything wrong… when they, came out they think that their life is over.

They don’t get that it is the

new beginning of life. At least, they had a chance to live twice..! once before

 getting into jail and the other after being out..

   Bla, blab, bla and bla. If I had to write hundreds of papers

 they won’t be enough for what I want to say but I can’t!

Should I stop thinking for a while.. actually, my brain is not working good lately!!!!

That’s why I’m here writing some foolish things and printing the stupid words

 I thought they’ll get me somewhere…