{.. Let It Ra!n..}

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أكتب ما أشعر به .. وأقول ما أنا مؤمنةٌ به

(Dorsaf) Дорсаф

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. WeLcoMe. الــدرة تــرحــــب بــــكـــ م

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وحدكـ دونــي


مـاذا عســاهـُ يكون حالك

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ليتنـي أمشي

مـعـ ـكـ

فلا يفصلني عنك شيء ،،

ليتنــي

أمسك بتلك اليدين

لتتشابك أصابعنا

وتمتزج كاليد الواحدة

ليتنا جنبــًا إلى جنـب

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ليــت كل المرايــا

تعكــس صورتك

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أرجــوك

كن إنعـكــاسًا لي

أتمنى أن أراك

أرجوك ،، لاتحرمني من تلك الابتسامة

اخرج لي من بين الزجاج

أرجوك

فإني اشتـاقك حد الجنون !!


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من بين ألاف آلاف الكتب

حاولت العثور عليك من بين أقلامهم

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لكـن قلمك كان متفردًا بقـلبي

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وصورتك التي أرسمها من بين السطور

لم يكن لمثيلها وجود

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صبـاح التنفـــس


صبــاحٌ أسـترد فيه روحــي


التي لـم تنـم للحظــة واحــدة


،، خاننـي التفكير إلا بـــك ،،


فمــا تذوقت للنوم طعـــمًا


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عـلى عتبـات الأيــام

أنتظـرك ويطول الانتظــار

وأملٌ يخنق الأجــواء بعزيمة

اللقـــاء

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أتصدق ؟

سـ نكون معًـا مهما أبت السنون !!


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دقات السـاعة تمضي

وانا وحدي أشتاقك

بأعداد الثواني

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أقف هنا حائـرة

وسط ضجيج المدينة

تخيل !!

أني أبحث عنك في وجوهـ

النـاس !

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بصـري يجول هنـا وهناك

في وجه هـذا

وفي ملامح ذاك !

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حقـًا ،، لـ الشوق طقوس

و جنون

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كلمات م ت ق ا ط ع ـة

أرسـ مها بقلم رصاص

ومحبرة فـارغة !
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وبين عقلي والكراس

حروفٌ من رسم عينيك !

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THAT WAS THE LIFE WHICH EVERYBODY HAD A DREAM TO

 HAVE IT IN THIS EXISTENCE…

 MAKING DREAMS COME TRUE IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE WHEN

YOU HAVE SOMEBODY NEXT TO YOU TO GIVE A HAND FOR THAT…

BUT, ALONE; NO MAN CAN MAKE EVEN ONE TRUE TO BE SHOWN!!!

I ALWAYS HAD A DREAM TO MAKE MY OWN FUTURE,

BUT THIS SEEMS TO BE FAR AWAY…

I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE MYSELF…

TO DO EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO WITHOUT HAVING HANDS

FROM THE OTHERS EVEN THE CLOSEST PEOPLE IN MY LIFE…

I WANTED TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO DISCOVER THE WORLD…

BUT NOW I CAN’T EVEN DISCOVER THE CITY THAT I FORCED TO LIVE IN!!

I’M ALWAYS ASKING THE QUESTION OF “ANYBODY THERE TO HELP??!!”

BUT…. I’M ASKING HELP FROM GOASTS…

 WHAT I’M SAYING SEEMS CRAZY.. I KNOW,

YES, CRAZY CAUSE ME MYSELF SUCH A CRAZY GIRL…!

EVERYBODY ARROUND ME THOUGHT THAT THEY’RE

CHOOSING THE BEST FOR ME..WHERE DID I GO??

 I HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE TO REMEMBER!!!

IT’S TIME FOR ME TO GROW UP…JUST A LITTLE BIT!!

I HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE OF EVERYTHING

 I DO IN LIFE FROM NOW TILL ON….

SCRIPTES OF MY LIFE

      Just like any girl I had a lot of dreams in my last short life,

 that dose not mean that I’m dead right now, but I look like dead people maybe just inside.

      A lot of famous people in this great world had difficulties in their

 lives to make there own names, their own future and their own lives..

 that’s what I still believe in till this moment.

     From a very long time ago I made a deal with myself.. yes,, a deal..

That deal was to struggle and fight to take what belongs to me in this life…

I meant to be free, to have the right to choose my way either heaven or hell…"وهدينَه النجدين" …

 GOD gave me that right…

 so, why until this moment I did not choose my own way?!!

Answering this question is the easiest thing in this world these days..

     I’m writing what I’m writing not to allow the others to read it…

but to ease on myself just a little bit and to stop the rush in my heart beats….

"There and then I'll leave my beautiful world… which was full of dreams and goals..

There.. my future falls apart….

No one hears but my ears..

It's the day that I afraid to death to see it with my own eyes…

May God help me…and allow me to achieve all my goals in life..

Dear God…no one would support me but you!!!

If you did not, who would do so?!!

So, please dear God help me, and give me the support that I need…"

I still remember the day I wrote the few previous lines… at that day, I was loosing hope…

 filling with desperation and hate!!!

   For me as a dreamer, I painted a very big image to my future in my imagination…

I allowed the others to see it. Unfortunately, it was not clear enough for them or they were not be

 able to understand it…

Last year, I started a new activity in my life which is writing poems besides stories

 that I always write and never finish them…!

I would say that hurt made me write read and hear to the others’ pains in order

 to forget my pain which is nothing comparing with others’.

***

    Life did not give me my chance, I would rather say I did not get  my chance from life…

I always knew that complaining is the worst thing anyone can do sub of working

 and trying to get chances the beast of them.. and that’s what I kept doing without any benefit even a little one!!

   I needed support. And I got it from friends.

The friends of my life who went away each to go on in her life in her home with people

 she understands and of course they understand her too.

   The day I said goodbye to those beauty and lovely friends, I did not feel

 lonely the much I feel now… when I remember that hug I gave to each one of them

 – the last hug ever-. I feel I want to cry…

     I tried to understand people around me, the way they think and also

 the reasons of their thoughts…! But  no one tried to understand me…

     Isn’t crazy staying on a chair a very long time just to write some topics you won’t get them!!!

Well, that’s what I’m doing!! I’m not speaking honestly even with my own!

What I learned till this time from life  that it dose deserve to fight

 for it and for being in it till the day of death..

I still have reasons to stay alive, that’s why I’m here now…

GOD send me with a message to earth not only me but all the men in thins universe..

My message I think, it’s to learn about existence and creatures in this world…

A DAY FROM THIS YEAR

   At this moment, I’m sitting all alone on a very cold emotionally chair!

Alone with my notes and this sad black pen, which always wanted to write poems

but here I am not making its wish come tore… and using it to write a very sad words killing me inside.

   Sometimes when you set with yourself and talk about your fears and your

hurts you feel so calm and comfort… but not all the time, cause you’ll need someone real next to you to help you

 in order to heal.. bt what if you could not find that person?!!!

  Going on in life is something become easier when you be

 away from things force you to come back to live you past again…

    I always hated to talk about my pas, but who had no past would never have a future...!

   Crossing worlds.. this is the meaning of living your life…

I believe in that but it’s too hard..

I heard about guys entered jails cause they killed somebody or stole

a handbag or made anything wrong… when they, came out they think that their life is over.

They don’t get that it is the

new beginning of life. At least, they had a chance to live twice..! once before

 getting into jail and the other after being out..

   Bla, blab, bla and bla. If I had to write hundreds of papers

 they won’t be enough for what I want to say but I can’t!

Should I stop thinking for a while.. actually, my brain is not working good lately!!!!

That’s why I’m here writing some foolish things and printing the stupid words

 I thought they’ll get me somewhere…

“Is there anybody out there?’’

Have you loved somebody

Do you know what it’s feel like

Is there anybody out there?

Oh I feel so alone now

Are you there to catch my freefalling

To catch my freefalling

Is there anybody out there

Messing with my head

With all the things he said

Sitting here and asking

Where did I go wrong

Anybody there?

Does anybody care

The pain is killing me

I got to set you free

I never want it that you

Running back to me

Anybody there?

Does anybody care

Is there anybody out there

I know I’m not crazy

I’ve looked but I just can’t find it

Let me take you by the hand

Love’s a thing you can’t command

Is there anyone who takes care

Is there anybody out there

Messing with my head

With all the things he said

Sitting here and asking

Where did I go wrong

Anybody there?

Does anybody care

The pain is killing me

I got to set you free

I never want it that you

Running back to me

Anybody there?

Does anybody care

Is there anybody out there yeah

Does anybody know me

Does anybody love me

Is there anybody out there

Is there anyone who takes care

Messing with my head

With all the things he said

Sitting here and asking

Where did I go wrong

Anybody there?

Does anybody care

is there anybody out there

The pain is killing me

I got to set you free

I never want it that you

Running back to me

Anybody there?

Does anybody care

Is there anybody out there’’

Well, I always liked this song it reminds me to look at myself!!!

جمعت كل الأوراق ،،

وألقيــت بها في ذلك المكب،،

مكب النفايات ،،

فاليوم ،، خريف !

خريف أحاسيسي ومشاعري ،، خريف لا شتاء بعده

ترددت كثيراً

قبل أن أرمي بمشاعري هناك

قبل أنــ

أحكم عليها بالسَّجنِ المؤبد

الحياة !

يملؤها الغموض

يملؤها الغضب

تملؤها الشكوك

والأحقاد

انها

حياة الخريف الصاخب !

منـذُ فتـرة ،، لم أمسك بـ قلمي

لأرسم به نبضات قلبي

وكل خلجاته

وسكناته

حبـست أنفــاسي

بداخل ذلك الصندوق المغلـق

وأشعلت شموعـًا

تناديك من بعيــد

وترشــدك أضواؤهـا

إلى طريــقٍ توصلكَ إليّ

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وللحديثِ بقية !! 

: : قـطـراتـٌـ يـجـمـعـهـا المـطـر : :

عند الرحيل ،، وفي الليل الطويل

تأبـى السِّنـونُ إرهاق السفر

وتفضل النجوم استمرار السهر

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فمتى حطمنـا العنـاء،، أعاد ترميمنا الأمل

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فأطلالنا .. ماعادت لتسكــن ،،

ولحظاتنا .. ماعادت لتذكــر ،،

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فنحن ذكـرى غادرها الزمــن

وطوتها،، صفحات النسيــان

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ونمــضي والمطر الحزينُ لنا رفيق

وعزف غيتارنا المخنوق لنا أنيس ،،

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ذاكرة المطـــر،، هي ذاكرتنا

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